So This Is It
by Sister-Slayer
Summary: Buffy's thoughts during seasons 6-7


Authors Note* Ok, this is my second attempt at writing. Its probably gonna suck but oh well,who the hell cares? Anywayz if it sucks or its good (which I doubt) just let me know. And please try to go easy on me, remember Im new at this.  
  
Author: CillyP (formally known as babicill13 or Cilla)  
  
Email: babicill13@aol.com  
  
Summary: Buffy's last thoughts before she jumps.  
  
So this is it.  
  
My death is here. This isn't how I thought it would happen. But I wouldn't have anything less. I'm dying protecting the world from hell.  
  
You'd think I would be scared. But I'm not. Why fight it? I knew it was coming. Hell, I knew it was coming before I even got on this tower. I knew. And Spike knows that I knew too. What I told him at the house, I was saying that because I knew that I would be the one not coming back from this, not him. He thought it was him I was talking about. He was wrong.  
  
I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss him a lot. He never put up with my crap. He taught me things, things about me. And somehow he always knows what I'm thinking. Sometimes I think he knows me better than Willow or Xander. And I know that he'll protect Dawn. I know that he'll keep her safe. He always keeps his promises. Right now he probably thinks that he's letting me down. I wish that he'll understand that this isn't his fault. This is how it's supposed to end. He needs to know that.  
  
I'm also going to miss Willow. She's my best friend, how could I not miss her? I remember her back in high school. She was so different then, so different yet exactly the same in some ways. She was so innocent when I first met her. She didn't have a clue about the world she lived in or what she lived on (the hellmouth). And she was smart. Damn was she smart. That fact about her still remains. She's always thinking.That's one of the things I love about her.I love everything about her. She's my best friend. I love her like as if she were my own sister. I hope she knows that. It's too late to tell her now.  
  
And Xander. How could I forget Xander. He's always trying to protect me. In highschool he was always trying to think of ways to make things easier for me. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't. But that doesn't matter. He's gone through a lot too. All of us have. I used to think it was cute how he had a crush on me back then. He thought I didn't know but I knew. How could I not know? And it was funny how he would want to come patrolling with me but then panic when he saw a vampire. He's grown a lot since then. A whole lot. He's so responsible now. Well sort of. And he's always laughing, always joking. He's always trying to make a bad situation seem better. Thank him for that.  
  
Anya. Anyas quite the case. She's not afraid of what people think of her. Not afraid to say what she thinks or what she feels. I'm glad she has Xander. They're so happy together. Always smiling. When I first met her I never thought that I would consider her a friend much less a Scooby. I mean she was a demon, what was I supposed to think? But she is. She's a member of the family now.  
  
Giles. He's like my father, not my watcher. He teaches me things. He helps me when I need it. And I always need it. I can always go him. The first time I met him I was scared because he knew what I was, who I was. It wasn't until later that I started to like him. Then he sort of became my stand in father because my real one didn't exist to me. And I know that for him its vice-versa. I know he looks at me like a daughter. And I know that he'll be proud of me. I'm going to miss him so much. So this is what growing up is like. Well I'm a little late for that one.  
  
Angel. I hope someone tells him. About me. And I know that he'll understand. He always did, always does. I love him. More than I thought possible for a person to love but I do. I really do. I wish I could tell him one last time. He deserves to know.  
  
And finally Dawn. She is my sister. And I love her. I love her more than anything in the world I love her. It seems like she's just come into my life but now I have to go away. She's a part of me. She understands me. She understands what I go through. I love her so much. So I tell her. And I hope she believes it. She is the one person who I'm going to miss the most. Definitely. There were so many times where I would just brush her off or ignore her or yell at her for bothering me. Those are all regrets now. I hope she lives a happy life. And I hope she understands why I'm doing this. Not just for the world, but for her. I just wish that we'll see each other again someday.  
  
Now its here. My time has come. I hope the world likes my gift.  
  
I jump.  
  
Fin. 


End file.
